his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
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