I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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