Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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