Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
