i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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