I'm going to rape someone's good day.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
