We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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