The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
