Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
We left an ass print on the piano.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
