there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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