its not stalking. its research.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
