I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
