i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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