Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
