I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
