I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
