Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
it was like his penis was on wheels.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
