dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
