I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
nutella sex= disaster
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
