So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Randomize
