Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
