I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
