So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
