All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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