you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
