There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Randomize
