You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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