you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
