eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
