Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Randomize
