you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
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