Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
