I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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