I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
