i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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