Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
This is the high leading the old right now
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
