i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Randomize
