I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
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