my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Randomize
