I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
