If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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