I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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