My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
