Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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