Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
