I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
