i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
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