I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
