sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
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