If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
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