Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
