Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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