He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
