I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
