dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Randomize
