Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
