What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
two words: eviction party
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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