I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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