I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
